Tragic: Old Punk Unable to Be Killed by Traditional Means

D.C — “He just literally won’t die,” quotes local scene kid Marcellus. Trent, 55, quotes his immortality ritual as follows: 5 Anarchy tattoos in a pentagram, 1 Descendent’s Milo tattoo, every 60’s – 90’s punk record on vinyl minus ‘Anything Henry Rollins’ because he’s a sellout, a past including straight edge but converted back to ‘only edibles man and that …

Shady AF Band Stops Set Right When They’re Supposed To

ATLANTA — Local band “The Dimitri Martin’s” astonished the crowd last night at a local house show by ending the band’s set right on time. “So stupid.” quoted Xavier from “The Los Nachos”. “Who would go and do such a thing? They don’t belong in this scene. That’s for certain”. One audience member remarked “The show was completely ruined.” Growling …

Tragic: Melvins Cover Band Steps it Up a Notch

SEATTLE — In a bold move, frontman Billy Fish received a haircut from esteemed stylist Francios Alessandro. Fish reportedly pointed to a photograph of the Melvins in a 2000’s era Guitar World magazine stating “Los ticka toe rest might like a sender doe ree.”. Alessandro, admiring his dedication to the craft of rock music and the love for challenge spent …